About tiny fingers

 Trigger warning: Not an article for those who have visceral reactions to the mention of medical terms, body parts or weird smells.

Many years ago, I did a rectal exam on a patient who was admitted with rectal bleeding. Later his nurse told me that the patient said, " Thank God she has tiny fingers."

" That's a plus point of being tiny," I replied with a laugh.

But it triggered a memory from the time I had graduated high school.  My tiny fingers stood between me and my musical aspirations.

I wanted to learn the violin. My music teacher, a professional violinist said no. Your fingers are too small.

What about a piano, I asked.

Do you have a piano with at least three octaves, he asked me?

No. 

I was downcast. I had barely convinced my dad to allow me to learn music. He would not pay up for a piano. Not because he could not afford it, but because he believed that spending money on anything other than books and food was a waste of money.

So my music teacher and I settled on the guitar. After learning the guitar for five years, my teacher wanted me to learn a second instrument. The violin, he said.

I looked at my fingers in amazement. Did they grow longer at 23 years of age?

I reminded him of his concerns five years ago. He was wishy washy. Or maybe it was a memory issue. 

Either way, I moved to a different city for more medical training. And that was the end of music lessons. Later my teacher died of sudden liver failure. 

Fast forward a quarter of a century later, I take care of patients with cancer including rectal cancer.

There is a saying where I come from ( Kerala, India) : " A good doctor's touch can heal many a wound".

When some of my patients achieved what we call a complete pathological response ( no cancer found at the time of surgery after receiving chemo or radiation or both), I told my nurse, " It must  be the touch of the tiny fingers".

She laughed out loud.

Descriptive writing

 Word painting by Rebecca Maclanahan

1. Descriptive writing must be:

-sensory

-concise, focus on the musical quality of the language

- creating movement in the context of the story: things in a state of activity

- use of figurative speech

-has to serve the larger piece, therefore the description has to be effective 

2. Evoke all 5 senses

The simple act of boiling milk

I have a friend who loves gadgets. Her kitchen is a mini showroom for Amazon products. She once told me that she purchased an automatic milk boiler to eliminate the distress of spilled milk on the burner.

It got me thinking. It's true. No one likes to clean up the singed residue of what was once the decadent, frothy richness of a bowl of milk. And why? Spilled milk reminds us of what we lack and what we often refuse to acquire: the will to be in the moment.

If there is one act that teaches us mindfulness, it is boiling milk. We have to be fully present, constantly stirring the pan, adjusting the heat, and knowing when to turn the flame off.  

But first things first. Let's start with choosing the vessel. Steel vessels have monopolized the traditional market as the gold-standard milk boiler. Most homes in India, except the ones that have opted for an automatic milk boiler, have a dedicated steel vessel exclusively for this purpose. While non-stick pans or even clay pots may be considered, milk and steel are naturally paired. 

Here's why. There is something reassuring in observing a steely yet shiny vessel restrain an opaque mass of milk as it progressively simmers to boiling point.  The distinct aroma that emanates and settles on the olfactory nerves does not impact impervious steel. 

Let me digress for a moment to the memory that springs alive from the remarkable redolence of a pot of bubbling milk on the rare occasion I choose to do so. It is the smell of my baby's toothless gums, freshly coated with warm milk. All the travails of a newborn's mother wash away in that moment. It was often the best part of my day when I inhaled a lungful of that gummy incense.

There's something innately maternal about boiling milk. In India, we address the cow as " go mata." "Go" stands for cow, and " Mata" for mother. Throughout this daily morning ritual in most homes, the matriarch of the house or the servant stands guard, stirring the pan lest a layer of charred milk sediment form at the base of the vessel. As with the spilled froth that cannot be salvaged, the thickened brown carpet at the base of a pan reminds one of one's lack of attention. The punishment: extra hard scrubbing at the tail end of the morning's pile of dishes.

At times, the act of stirring may seem counterproductive. Watching silently, you see tiny whirlpools of milk seething here and there. Then, with your steel ladle, you part the froth and stir as if to calm a geyser. The froth seems angry, but you remind yourself that it holds the best of the bowl.

You stay focused, noticing that the foci of hot springs disappear momentarily. This is the most dangerous moment. A ping on your phone, a loved one's plea to help discover their lost keys, socks, or tie tugs at your quintessential maternal cords. The greatest temptation at this point is to turn down the heat and address the distraction. And voila! Your return is marked by hissing, seething insurgence of the neglected milk as it tumbles down the edges of the hapless steel vessel that had been holding the fort until now. The flame has been partially or fully extinguished. The pungent, tarry scars of neglect are evident on a modern flame-free countertop. 

The greatest lesson to the negligent milk boiler is the mandatory wait before the mess can be cleaned up. Until then, your failure will be evident to everyone.  And for you to wallow in misery for the rest of the day. It was not the milk that tumbled headlong into the flame but the matriarch's veneer of competence.

In conclusion, the act of boiling milk is sacred. It is an act that cannot be coupled with any other. Nor is it one for a woman who prides herself on multitasking.   As with all relationships, there comes a point where the vessel cannot contain the agitation without a conscious effort to turn off the heat.

A good book on editing

 I read a good book with useful tips on editing

Cut it Out by Laura Swart

1. Avoiding too many little words that can clutter the main idea: identify content rich words, use sensory words, watch the punctuation, delete pompous and dull words. Combine long luxurious sentences with short punchy ones.

2.  Is, have and will: I am, they are, he is or she was, they have been

3. Avoid passive voice: look for "be" and "by"

4. Avoid progressive tense: "ing" unless required by the context. Use simple present and simple past tense.

5. Avoid repetition within paragraphs of key words or phrases

6. Avoid colloquialisms, choppy sentences, overloaded sentences, uncontrolled sentences and fragments.

How feeling secure translates to success: What Shah Rukh Khan can teach us

I watched a YouTube clip of an interview with famous Indian actor Suneil Shetty. About Shah Rukh Khan, the "Badshah" of the Indian film world, he said: " He's a gentleman, charmer, not just for women, and he's the most secure man I have known."

Another actor, Johnny Lever, said of Shah Rukh Khan:" He is hard-working, especially when it comes to what he does not know."

I have always envisioned Shah Rukh Khan as playing my guardian angel with his wit and wisdom. During one of his interviews, Shah Rukh advised: " Approach problems with kindness."

Shah Rukh Khan is the epitome of success to an average Indian. He came from humble beginnings, faced dire financial straits, got a Master's degree, and pursued the love of his life. He has remained married to her until now. His life is his message. 

Secure. Hard-working. Kind. Charming. 

Shah Rukh Khan is the complete deal. I admit that I have not found his acting as compelling as Manoj Bajpai, my favorite Indian actor. However, I still admire Shah Rukh for his personal qualities and his journey to success. 

Yet, there is much to learn from Shah Rukh as a symbol of success. His journey from humble beginnings to becoming the symbol of India on the international stage is truly inspiring.

I have reflected on why I am so selective about who I bring into my inner circle. I know the answer: I want to protect my energy. It's a conscious choice I make to empower myself and ensure I invest my energy in the right places. What I need to understand is if it is the right approach.

Shah Rukh and I are both Scorpios. Like him, I am an unlikely introvert. In an interview, Shah Rukh claimed he is introverted and shy. My need to avoid energy-draining individuals created a need to detach from those I perceived as inauthentic in my personal life.

I want to utilize my energy for good, or " Karma Yoga."  I do not wish to spend time on fruitless conversations. It's fruitless to me but not to the person who wants to "share. These conversations are different from mutual sharing. What I mean by this is a one-sided conversation with someone who needs a professional therapist. In India, friends are there to listen to you and advise you. When I needed a sympathetic ear, I learned that it turns off people to listen to your troubles.

I learned to process issues, develop ways my mind could cope, take action, and move on—with kindness to those involved and me—no hard feelings. I like to say hard feelings are like giving away your hard-earned income to someone you dislike. Rent is expensive these days, and the room in one's mind is a loft with a view of the Hudson.

What is the role of a friend? I don't believe in blind support that reinforces another's flaws. I want courageous and insightful friends to point out my blind spots. I hope to be that friend to others. The problem is, most people don't want that. They want someone who reinforces their false beliefs.

Every one of us has a journey to make. A friend does not have to walk your journey for you. They can point you in the right direction if you are seeking it.

I highly recommend Carol Pearson's " The Hero Within" to help us understand our journey. It has been as impactful to me as the Five Love Languages.

At what point does one detach from an individual who shares ( or dumps) their problems without the motivation to solve them or at least take any action towards that?

Does that make me unkind? I wish I could get Shah Rukh Khan's perspective.

Themes in movies or stories in general and how to design a character

 My all time favorite movie is The Sound of Music.

As the title implies, the theme is about how music brings about positive change specifically love in the loves of the characters.

The message is that music is the language of love. Music helps Maria channel her love for God into the love for a family. Her misbelief is that she is meant for a life of service to God as a nun and therefore must not love a man.

Why Did My Doctor Leave? the moral of the story is this: Do not make excuses to support people of bad character. In the long run, the harms outweigh the benefit.

The theme: Smart people know who's most valuable and who is worth supporting. The story questions how we decide who is most valuable. Should our loyalty be to doing the right thing or to a person or organization?

For Richard, his misbelief is that loyalty to a person or organization especially when financially advantageous, is the right thing to do even if morally wrong. He has grown up that way, heavily under his father's influence, knowing that his father is a womanizer and has ill-treated his mother and step mother.

Humor in movies: patterns for writers

 Growing up in Kerala, India, my favorite story tellers were Sreenivasan and Sathyan Anthikadu. Sreenivasan is a talented writer and actor. Short statured and dark, he often played the comical side kick. Even when he played the hero in a story he wrote, he was self effacing. His character fitted his appearance- a short, ugly man who marries a beautiful woman to the detriment of his mental stability. Or a spineless man easily influenced by his wife. Or an unattractive goldsmith who exacts revenge upon the pretty girl who betrayed him.

Among my favorite movies is the political satire Sandesam. It is the story of an elderly man who has an unjustified pride in his children, especially his two sons who he believes will become great political leaders. While the audience recognizes this misplaced faith, the meat of the story deals with how the protagonist recognizes his folly and rectifies it.

1. Satire in the dialog

Sreenivasan as a writer is a master at inserting a truth at the most uncomfortable and unexpected moment.  He breaks the tense situation by making a character say something true, but inappropriate for the situation.

-in Sandesam: there are many such opportunities. A scene that has gone down in history is the one of the two brothers arguing about international politics and one taking offence at his brother's jibe about Poland.

The audience laughs because a character is taking offence at something no one really cares about. The humor comes from a silly person's obsession with something irrelevant to the average person.

Exercise: create a character with a weird obsession or delusion, giving opportunities for others to inadvertently or purposefully give offence.

Sandesam also provides laughs by portraying human tendency to brag, exaggerate and even lack of language skills leading to misunderstanding.

2. Fear and deception

This appears to be a surefire way to elicit laughs. An authority figure with a dislike of an entity, quality or institution, his subordinates pursuing the same entity and covering up, getting discovered or almost discovered, then digging in to the subterfuge with hilarious outcomes.

3. Interaction between individuals

- this can be friends playing a prank on each other, or going against each other's wishes in front of a third party who is oblivious to the charade one of them is pulling. Friends can support their friend in the deception or completely blow apart the cover

-individuals in opposing camps going at each other verbally with subtle or not so subtle jabs

-Selfish individuals advocating for their needs at inappropriate moments when someone is in dire straits

-individuals on the same side of a tense situation going at each other. A play of words including misunderstanding a language, using or misunderstanding slang out of context.

4. Blackmail

Another hilarious Malayalam comedy was called "Odarathu Ammava Njangalkku aalariyam".

The premise was a flirty elderly man who got away with such behavior because women did not suspect he was being flirty given his age. Three young men befriend him in the hope of learning his "technique". However, when they lay their eyes on his daughter, the friendship shatters. The three men gain access to the elderly man's house under various pretexts, threatening to expose his one night at a cabaret. How he manages to get rid of the three men and the back and forth between them sets up a laugh riot.