Monday, July 4, 2022

The one thing without which I cannot function

 I know what you are thinking: the answer to that must be love, correct?

The grammar puritans frown at the double negative. Tut! Tut!

If the pandemic has taught us one thing, it is this: we can survive and be happy with a lot less than we think we need.

Last year, I developed a condition that we presume is a side effect of the COVID vaccine. I still advocate for vaccination; no questions about that.

Due to this side effect, I must avoid certain foods, including caffeinated products. As someone who started my day with a cup of tea, this has been a difficult transition. Yet, I can confidently say that my diet has been healthier in general. 

When I go through challenges in life, I ask myself: what lesson is the Universe trying to teach me?

And my answer to this was: know that I can live without things I deem "essential". I experienced symptoms for many months, making me empathize with those with long-standing illnesses. 

As my symptoms continue to fade, I feel energized. This morning, I asked myself: should I ever go back to my earlier routine of a cup of tea in the morning?

In one of her interviews, Sudha Murthy, philanthropist, and Chairperson of Infosys, said she does not drink tea or coffee. She said she has no addictions. 

Now that life has forced me away from my lifelong habit, should I go back to my one cup of tea in the morning addiction or break free forever?

What is the one thing without which you cannot function? The answer is you can keep going without most of the things on your list. Life's flavor simply changes when you exclude its essences.


Sunday, May 8, 2022

The heart within the fort

 



Taj Khan was appointed by the first Mughal emperor Babur to manage Chunar fort, the gateway to the east of Hindustan. He was an experienced military man who never wavered in his loyalty to the Mughal throne. Yet above all, Taj Khan cherished his nikkah to Zohra,  lovingly renaming her Mallika or queen. Through his first wife, he had several sons, wastrels who had no ambition beyond capitalizing on their father's position. They indulged in excesses and, at times, atrocities that required Taj Khan to admonish them. As is often the case, the sons concluded the cause of their falling out with their father was their stepmother Zohra. They hated her with enough venom to fell a thousand elephants. Zohra was two decades younger than Taj Khan. Zohra was a woman whose accomplishments in art, music, and poetry were equal in her transcendent beauty and immense family wealth. Taj Khan loved her with a fervor a man may only hope to encounter in a lifetime.

After a brief illness, Taj Khan died, leaving Zohra in charge of the fort. News of Taj Khan's death reached Sher Khan, the Afghan general in charge of the nearby province of Bihar. 

Sher Khan had a long history with the Mughals. He served Babur's Mughal army and left abruptly when he realized that Babur saw him as a potential future rival for the throne of Delhi. Sher Khan returned to his native land of Bihar and set about strengthening his position in the area. After Babur's death, the second Mughal emperor Humayun ascended the throne. Sher Khan pledged allegiance to maintain peace and continue fortifying his position. Soon it became apparent to everyone that Humayun was a pleasure-loving monarch who could not keep revolts from breaking out all over the kingdom.

If Sher Khan despised anything, it was a leader who failed to lead. A leader who did not understand his essential duty: to serve those relying on him.

Meanwhile, a cold chill enveloped Zohra. She had loved her late husband with all her heart. She took solace in knowing she carried her wifely duty with steady keenness. Although Zohra did not bear him any children, Taj Khan, during his lifetime, made it clear that he did not expect Zohra to bear him any children. Zohra had loyal supporters among the masses who knew her as a generous and kind lady. It became apparent that her stepsons would move to murder her and pillage her wealth. Humayun was too weak and preoccupied with worldly pleasures to instill any fear of repercussion. In time, if her stepsons did her no harm, the Mughals would appoint a new governor for Chunar fort. And Humayun would likely allow Zohra a safe journey to a place of her choice. But she knew her stepsons well.

Zohra's most loyal servant Mir Ghalib and his wife sought an urgent visit with her.

" All our lives are at risk. We do not mind dying for you, but a woman like you does not deserve such a fate at the hands of these unscrupulous villains. We have a suggestion. Please understand we take this liberty at such a time of sorrow, only for our concern for your welfare."

Zohra nodded, asking Mir to continue.

" A woman like you needs protection from an exceptional man. In all of Hindustan, there is none as capable as Sher Khan. We have it from reliable sources that he is meeting with a local chieftain nearby. Shall we send missives to him?"

What happened next?

P.S: Names have been changed or modified per the author's discretion


Friday, April 9, 2021

The Final Puzzle - How it all began

In the summer of 2017, I tucked my daughter in with a bedtime story I had read in my childhood.

The story is as follows:

A butcher and an oil seller both lay claim to a bag of gold coins. Local law enforcement, unable to decide who the gold belongs to, escalates the matter to Akbar's court.

Akbar was the Mughal emperor. His wise advisor Raja Birbal has a reputation for rendering justice even in the most obscure and baffling cases.

Raja Birbal hears them both, then orders a bowl of hot water.

"Empty the bag of gold coins into the bowl," says Raja Birbal.

The court waits as the bag is emptied into the hot water and a thick film of oil floats to the top.

"Padshah ( emperor), the bag belongs to the oil seller. Every time he was paid with a gold coin, it passed through his greasy fingers. The butcher is lying and should be imprisoned."


As my daughter fell asleep, I could not help but wonder if something else I had read a long time ago was true; Birbal had been deceived and killed by his enemies.

I did a quick online search, and a sentence stood out to me: "...but his body was never found."

Which prompted the question--was this brilliant man killed, or did he pull the wool over his enemies' eyes and stage a daring escape?

From this point, I asked myself several questions:

There were multiple attempts on Birbal's life, some of which are described in the comic books. He always escaped unharmed and got back at his enemies. So what changed? Did something happen before his "death" in 1586? If yes, what was the trigger?

I utilized 2 non-fiction books for most of my research:

Akbar, the great Moghul by V.A. Smith and Raja Birbal by P.P. Sinha

There were 2 attempts to kill him and 2 separate attempts to malign Raja Birbal described in the book by P.P. Sinha. The worst was an accusation of incest. These 4 events happened in the space of 3 years after Akbar defeated the Islamic clergy-backed rebels who attempted to dethrone him. 

Convinced there was enough of a loophole in the story and sufficient motivation for Birbal to go underground, I pondered: If Birbal staged his death, was Akbar in on the plan? If the 2 close friends had wanted to meet secretly, it would have been challenging to do so at home, where Birbal was popular and well-known.

They would have planned it to coincide with Akbar's move to another place, where Birbal could also live incognito.

Then I found my answer. When did Birbal die? 1586.

When did Akbar move his capital/court from near Delhi (  Fatehbad) to Lahore? 1586.

Next question: If Birbal left his family in northern Hindustan to move or be closer to Akbar, what was his relationship with his wife?

And more importantly, why did Akbar bestow the title Raja Birbal? Hint: Who was the other emperor with nine gems in his court? I will write about this in a future post.

I also utilized Ain-i-Akbari, the official chronicle of Akbar's court by one of his nine "gems" Abul Fazl. Birbal was the most well-known of Akbar's courtiers or his nine "gems."

What I enjoyed the most about researching and writing The Final Puzzle was finding answers to support my hypotheses. Imagine the excitement when you suspect something had happened, and actually find evidence for it. 

One example is a trip jointly undertaken by Raja Birbal and the main villainous character Zain Khan.

Towards the latter half of the novel, I write about the Raja of Rewa, a king who hesitated to declare fealty to Akbar. I wondered if Raja Birbal and Zain Khan had been sent there together on a diplomatic mission and if something from this trip may have enlightened Birbal about Zain Khan's weakness. This then may have been of value in the story's climax where the 2 men are pitted against each other and Zain Khan is plotting Birbal's murder.

Had I not specifically looked for proof that Akbar had sent Birbal and Zain Khan together on this mission, I would not have found it.

Five hundred years later, our society is dealing with almost all the issues The Final Puzzle explores. Religious leaders who cling on to power and mislead the masses, intelligent and good people like Raja Birbal becoming the target of jealous enemies, and above all the importance of clever and capable leaders like Akbar who can protect good people and toss out the bad ones, no matter how powerful or close to "God" they may be.

I conclude with this ever prescient saying:

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it! (George Santayana-1905)








Monday, March 29, 2021

A victim mindset abolishes humanity

 Have you ever listened to the folks in your life who are constantly complaining? How they are the ones who are doing all the work, being nice to everyone, going overboard to get things done, or even how it was their forefathers who brought glory to the land?

And now they have the short end of the stick? Statements like "I am working day and night and NO ONE cares about me."

Playing the victim is a common trait. In a workplace, it is important to differentiate a person who is being bullied from one who is a bully. The same goes for families. That one person, usually a woman who is complaining of no one respecting her and how she goes out of her way to do everything for all relatives, even the most obnoxious ones is a pain to be around.

I have made one observation. The ones who are incessantly playing victims lack empathy and humanity. They are constant in their complaining. They don't necessarily do more work than others, in fact, they often do a shabby job. The key is that these people don't feel valued. Or their perception of self-worth is greater than it really is.

It is a challenge being around these self-designated victims. The unfortunate part is that they are good at convincing others that they are being taken advantage too. This leads to a toxic gang. If our national politics are any indication, it is much easier to win over others with a sense of joint victimhood.

You cannot change others. But you can avoid getting trapped into joining that toxic gang. You can recognize a toxic person by the constant whining and lack of humanity towards others.

A victim mindset abolishes humanity. Gratitude enhances humanity.







Monday, March 22, 2021

The Sage and the Clown

 




When the world seems bleak, it all seems upside down,

The beholder's perspective separates a sage from a clown.

For a sage and a clown are both playing roles,

Wisdom's hidden, it lies in their souls.


Through words and action, they may entertain, enlighten

Sorrow within, yet others' lives they brighten.

What does each want- respect, fame, or mere necessity?

Our eyes seek out in others our own identity.


Take what you will from the sage or the clown, 

The truth behind the facade, in all mankind of renown

Remains hidden, so judge not the man by the gown

Grey-haired and divine or a garishly colored clown

Look inside yourself, your truth you must own,

Then start with a kind act in your neighborhood or town.


Picture courtesy Kerala toursim

Monday, March 8, 2021

Love Their Neighbor

Note to readers: The Wedding Gift has been removed since it was submitted for publication. However, if you would like to read it, please email contact me through this site or my FB page.


Annie John was the only person whose phone number Denise had set to a sinister ringtone. Pastor Frank had introduced them a month ago following Sunday service. Almost instantly, Denise felt uncomfortable — that same feeling as when the doctor walks into the exam room, avoids looking a patient in the eye and slumps into the chair with a sigh.

The pastor described Annie as “a good Christian woman.” Denise noticed the slight hesitation in his voice, as if he knew he was lying but was trying to convince himself otherwise. “She is a nurse, but she just lost her job. And since your mother is on hospice, Denise, I thought you two should meet.”

Pastor Frank said he hoped it was all right with Denise that he had shared information about her mother.

“Oh, I am sure she won’t mind,” Annie replied, directing her attention to the pastor. “She seems like such a nice lady. I already feel a connection with her and her mother.” 

Turning to Denise, Annie said, “I can come over to take care of your mother.”

Denise’s eyes widened, and she shifted her weight from one foot to another, wanting to accept help, but not from the woman in front of her. Annie’s tone of familiarity made Denise nervous. There is something off about this woman. Maybe time will tell, but in the meantime, I don’t think having her in my house is a good idea, she thought.  

 

“Denise, our Lord knows your troubles,” the pastor interjected. “Trust him when he sends you help.”

“But, Pastor Frank, you know that Ma can be picky. Besides, Ma’s caregiver will return in a couple of weeks, I think.”  

 

“I am sure your mom will love me,” insisted Annie. “Almost everybody who knows me does.” 

As much as she wanted to believe in God’s will, Denise did not like having a stranger foisted into her life. 

Annie grabbed Denise’s hand, pried open her palm, and thrust a business card in it before hurriedly leaving. Denise inspected the card made of quality glossy purple paper with gold foil accents. It read, “Annie John, RN, BSN, Nurse, and Entrepreneur.”

 

“I know you don’t think this is a good idea, Denise, but Annie is willing to work practically for free,” said Pastor Frank.

“I am running low on funds,” replied Denise, “but let me think about it for a couple of days.”

 

 When her doorbell rang later that evening, Denise was shocked to find Annie, who quickly stepped inside.

Without attempting to explain her presence, Annie turned to the older woman who wheeled herself into the living room.

“You must be Ma. I have heard SO much about you! We are going to get along so well,” said Annie, pulling down her mask.

“You can keep your mask off. I don’t care. I am not going to wear some stupid mask on top of my oxygen,” Ma responded.

“What happened to the election sign that was in your yard last week?” asked Annie.

“Oh, some vandals!” said Denise, who was secretly glad it was gone and politely refused to oblige her mother with a new one. Suspicion skittered through Denise’s mind. This woman does not live in our neighborhood. Why is she so familiar with our yard sign?

 

“Sign, or no sign, I am going to vote for the President come November 3rd, said Ma. “I agreed to go on for hospice only because the doctor said I would die before Election Day if I chose more chemo.”

 

“I think you are a smart woman, and you make smart choices. Would you like me to wheel you around the neighborhood?” asked Annie, positioning herself behind the wheelchair and releasing the brakes.

 

“Annie, wait, I think we should talk about your payment. I can’t afford to pay much now. Ma’s other caregiver needed two months’ salary in advance because of her family situation,” said Denise.

“Don’t worry,” replied Annie as she turned and hastily waved before steering the wheelchair, oxygen tank, and Denise’s mother out the front door and down the ramp. 

 

Denise watched Annie wheel Ma back and forth along the neighborhood sidewalk. They did not go too far, just a few houses on either side. Annie was regaling her mother with tales that Ma seemed to be enjoying. 

 

 

Ma had weighed more than three hundred pounds when diagnosed with cancer a year ago, but the disease had whittled her down to half of that. Still, it was no easy task to take her out for a wheelchair ride. The oxygen tank’s tubing had a penchant for getting tangled in the wheels or shrubs bordering the sidewalk. With Ma’s usual caregiver, a young college girl, the rides were twice weekly. The girl had tripped and fallen on the sidewalk more than once. Fortunately, Denise’s neighbor, Dr. Stephan, was a surgeon, and his wife, Carissa, an emergency medical technician. They had tended to the caregiver’s bruises and later left a first-aid box just below their mailbox in case she fell and hurt herself again.

 

Half an hour later, Ma and Annie returned. A hint of rosiness had replaced Ma’s sallow appearance. The fresh air seemed to do her some good.

“Denise, did you know about laptop story? Annie was telling me things the fake news won’t report….”

 

Denise glared at Annie. She did not want anyone aggravating Ma with ridiculous tales in the final days of her life.

 

A month went by. Ma’s liking for Annie rose as sharply as Denise’s dislike for her grew. On several occasions, Denise attempted to determine why Annie lost her job or what business ventures she had embarked upon. Annie’s answers were always vague, but they all had a theme.

“I get excluded because I am a good Christian woman who supports our President,” or “It seems these days it’s not fashionable to stand up for family values.”

Denise was able to glean that Annie was divorced and had recently dated two men she met online. Twice in the last year, she had announced she was getting married on social media. Each time she withdrew the posting days later. The first man claimed his divorce had not been finalized. The second prospective fiancĂ© was considering getting a divorce but still loved his wife and kids. He had joined the dating website just to know what was “out there.” He topped it off with, “I didn’t value what I had at home. Now I know. Thank you for saving my marriage.”

“The Bible says being a good wife is the duty of a woman, and a good Christian woman must find a husband,” was all Annie would say.

 

Later that evening, Denise called Ma’s regular caregiver, asking when she would return. Not until after the election, she was told. 

Denise’s hope that Annie could be let go immediately was crushed like a beetle under a steamroller. 

The next morning the sinister ringtone sounded. Denise shuddered, took a deep breath, then forced herself to be polite. Annie had not shown up at her usual time. Perhaps, she was running late and wanted to apologize. 

 

Hi, Denise,” Annie said, emphasizing the greeting in an annoying, smug tone. “I thought we should talk about payment. I think twenty dollars an hour is standard, so that would make it a thousand dollars for the past month. And my Google map app shows that I spent fifty hours in your neighborhood, so I have an electronic log for hours. I will come by later to pick up the cash.” 

 

“A thousand? I can’t afford that,” said Denise, stunned. “That is much more than what I was paying Ma’s regular gal.” 

“Yes, but I helped in an emergency, so my rate is higher. Did you not know that?”

“Listen, Annie, that is too much,” Denise pleaded. “Let me check with Ma to see if she can afford to pay you. She has some money saved.” 

“Okay, let me know. I have just sent you my invoice by FedEx.” 

The phone went dead, but its sinister ringtone continued to play in Denise’s head.

Denise wondered if she should talk to Pastor Frank, who might persuade Annie to be reasonable. Or perhaps she should tear up the campaign donation check Ma had asked her to mail a week ago. Caregiver expenses were the bigger priority.

 

     What if she did not pay Annie at all? Or only pay the minimum wage? They had not agreed to a rate either verbally or in writing.

 

“Was that Annie?” Ma’s voice was feeble and cracked.

 

“You look unwell, Ma. Let me call hospice.”

“Maybe I should go to the hospital. I think I have a fever. You think it could be COVID?”

Denise’s face drained of all color. She checked Ma’s forehead. There were beads of sweat, but she did not think she had a fever.

The hospice nurse was polite but strongly urged Denise not to take Ma to the hospital. 

“Even if she has COVID, they will not treat her with anything beyond supportive medicines. I guarantee you that with terminal lung cancer, she will not go on a ventilator. And if you develop symptoms, Denise, call your primary care doctor’s COVID hotline.”

 

The doorbell rang. To Denise’s surprise, it was her neighbor, Carissa, Dr. Stephan’s wife. 

“I noticed your Ma’s usual caregiver is no longer working for you, so I removed the first-aid box. Is the new woman your relative?” she asked.

When Denise clarified that Annie was no relative, Carissa appeared relieved. Before she left, Carissa checked in on Ma. She pursed her lips, and with a slight nod, acknowledged what Denise was thinking. The end was near.

 

That night Ma sunk into a stupor. Denise wiped away the droplets on Ma’s forehead with a wet compress. Gradually Ma’s lips turned blue despite dialing the oxygen to the maximum. Denise tried her best to stay awake but dozed off, only to wake up with a start, fearful that she could not hear Ma’s last words. She wanted to hold her hand when she breathed her last. 

 

Just before sunrise, Ma opened her eyes and said in a feeble voice, “Even though I will not be able to vote, I am glad you mailed my campaign donation. I love you.”

Her grip fell loose.

 

Denise sat still for an hour, perhaps two, before forcing herself to make the necessary calls. She was not going to call Annie. She was not sure if she should mail the donation check. No matter who wins, it would not make a difference with one day to go before the election. Maybe I will send it in; otherwise, I may feel guilty for the rest of my life.

 

 The sinister ringtone shattered through the unhappy stillness.

“Yes?” answered Denise.

 

“How ARE you?” 

Annie’s voice was sickeningly sweet. “Sorry, I didn’t come yesterday. Ignore what I said about the thousand dollars. You don’t need to pay me anything. You can, if you want, donate something to a charity of my choice, like women for our President. Just tear up the invoice I sent you when the courier delivers it. If anyone asks, say we are friends from church, and I was volunteering to help you.”

 

Denise hung up without answering and turned off her phone. She did not know if this woman had multiple personalities or she was a con woman or both. And she had not even asked about Ma.

 

In her apartment, Annie looked at the now-silent phone. “Well, that was rude. I do her a favor and….”

She glanced at the sheaf of papers on her dining table. This was the second time Dr. Stephan had served Annie with a restraining order. The first was four months ago after she had forcibly kissed him in the hospital operating room’s changing area. That same evening Annie showed up at his house in stilettos and heavy makeup to confirm that the kiss was real and mutual. The doctor’s wife opened the door and had choice words for her. 

It had taken Annie a couple of months to figure out how to infiltrate the doctor’s neighborhood. Five hundred dollars in donations to Pastor Frank’s church went a long way.

 

Oh well, it was worth it. Annie thrust the restraining order into the shredder.  A good Christian woman needs a husband.


Happy Women's Day


 

This morning I read an excerpt of Meghan and Harry’s interview with Oprah Winfrey. Although people in the US are expressing shock over the palace’s racist views, I was not surprised. The concept of “purity” is something I have heard since I was a little girl growing up in India. Let us be fair—the Brits didn’t leave racism behind in India when they left. They were able to conquer India because the average man deep down believes that fairer skin indicates superiority. Every Indian man, whether he is dark-skinned or not, wants a fair-skinned girl. None of her other attributes matter. “Every man” is probably an exaggeration. There are those who like Bipasha Basu.

I once knew an elderly Indian man from my home state of Kerala who was so obsessed with fair skin that he was called “Beautiful uncle.”

I am working on a collection of stories titled “Beautiful uncle” and other stories from the fictional village of Pavanadu. I hope you enjoy this collection of stories that explores racism, gender-bias, the cruelty of women towards other women, and much more in the most literate state in India—Kerala.

Stay tuned for the release date.